today's date: May 9th, 2008 The Family Fight, Planning To Avoid It (September FCNS Newsletter) Barry Fish and Les Kotzer Published by: Continental Atlantic Publications ISBN: 0-96835 13-5-2 This book is designed to act as a communication bridge between parents and their children. The authors state "we have seen our share of family fights and it seems to be getting worse as the baby boomers' parents become incapable or pass away. It's tragic to see once close families torn apart." Drawn from one of the stories in our book, we come to the issue of a caregiver who had been taken for granted. Briefly stated, Joan and her brother were brought up the right way. Their Dad passed on, and three events then unfolded which, as you will see, served to fuel the dramatic aspect of Joan's story. First of all, her brother and his wife had a precious little girl, who became just inseparable from Joan... who we will now call Aunt Joan. That is the good news. The bad news consisted of the stoic, "Silence is Golden" attitude of their Mom. She retained an old will that dictated an even split between Joan and her brother. Period. Sounds so reasonable, doesn't it? Well, watch happens next. The third event, also bad news, consisted of the physical deterioration of Mom. Joan and her brother had a loving and trusting relationship when Mom first became ill. Joan volunteered to look after Mom. This was satisfactory to everyone... at first. Months then became years, and over that time, Mom became the focal point of Joan's life, as did Joan's precious little niece. Joan and her niece were inseparable. The little girl grew up knowing Grandma's home as Aunt Joan's home... and her second home. Joan, unlike her brother, put off going to university, and her caregiving burdens were too heavy to allow it. Her brother became a professional and with his professional burdens, he became somewhat aloof. Joan contented herself with her relationship with her niece, who over the years, was developing into a fine young woman... and that fine young woman became engaged to be married. Aunt and niece had wedding plans to add to the many affairs that they shared in common... and then, just a few months before the wedding, Mom passed away. Joan assumed, as she felt everyone assumed, that after Mom's deatch, she'd inherit and live in the house. After all, look at all the years she devoted to Mom. When the will was finally disclosed, her brother insisted upon the "even split" and with it, the sale of the house. He had his own plans and financial burdens, and the house sale would give hime the funds he needed. When both Joan and her niece attempted to persuade hime to recognize Joan's sacrifices by at least allowing Joan to live out her days in a paid-for house, all of their attempts were in vain. Joan was shocked. She was mortified. When the young bride saw Aunt Joan's empty chair at table 5 on her wedding night, at first she thought Joan was delayed. And then realizing that she had lost her loving aunt to indifference and lack of appreciation, the young bride broke down and wept. Note: The Family Fight Planning to Avoid It is not available in book stores. It is available by calling toll free 1-888-965-1500, or by writing to us at 7951 Yonge Street, Thornhill Ontario L3T 2C4, or by ordering from www.familyfight.com. The price is $27.50 inclusive of tax and mailing. << back to Library Resources main page
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